Fifty Shades of Edits

So the deed has been done, Ana is no longer a virgin, and ChristianGrey actually slept in a bed with her again. Yay.

-Ana wakes up early, dances around the kitchen and makes breakfast…embarrassingly, of course, or else it wouldn’t be the main character we’re grown to know and love. *rolls eyes*

-Her subconscious seems to be making more frequent appearances now. I am not okay with this.

-ChristianGrey asks a shit ton of very personal questions, and Ana seems taken aback by them. Woman, you read part of the contract he wants you to sign. You should realize by now that this is not a meek guy you’ve got.

-OH GOD, the bath. The entire section about her giving him a bj is just SO AWKWARDLY WRITTEN. I laughed my way through it. ChristianGrey flavored popsicle?! Don’t you have a gag reflex? SHE BIT HIM. I just…oi.

-Oh hey, its Ana’s first taste of bondage. So that’s why there is a tie on the cover of the book.

-The whole sniffing her pubic hair thing is… I don’t even know. Hilarious? Creepy? Awkward? I feel like awkward is a good word for a lot of what happens between these two. Either the characters or the writing are in a perpetual state of awkwardness.

-LOL His mommy is there! How old is this guy, fifteen?!

cogent adjective
1. convincing or believable by virtue of forcible, clear, or incisive presentation; telling.
2. to the point; relevant; pertinent.

That word does not belong where she put it.

The feeling is sore and sweet and bold and gentle all at once. Dear God, woman. STOP with the ands! Use commas!

His erection tamed but still substantial…wow. That’s how that “sentence” originally read. FRAGMENT.

1- ChristianGrey-flavored popsicle. WHAT? That’s hilariously terrible.

2- harder and harder, deeper and deeper, around and around. All three of those were completely unnecessary repetitions. The fact that they all occur in the same sentence is just bad.

I can’t…

It’s like she didn’t even try to make that into an actual sentence. Here are a million descriptors, you get the idea.

making the beast with two backs. This is a completely unnecessary and outdated description. Just say that they’re sleeping together.

IF YOU HAD READ THE NDA BEFORE JUST SIGNING YOUR NAME MAYBE YOU WOULD KNOW WHAT IT COVERED, ANA.

I really hope that E.L. James is going to explain why ChristianGrey doesn’t like wasted food to us at some point. She seems to be hitting us over the head with it repeatedly.

Well, that is a bit abrupt. This doesn’t sound like an abusive relationship at all. Nope.